”I hope that along the line a slay queen or another dignified woman will not show up claiming science teacher with genuine evidence”
DAY 6: LOVE FOR GRABS?..
Dear Diary,
Does love really do happen to people? I mean look at how Abigail and the fiancé were doting on each other at the mall. Like the world was revolving around them, and love was a castle we live in. Kissing everywhere, holding hands, teasing, playing etc. I wonder if the feelings are really mutual.
My mind: Haaaba!
You may never know. But anyways it was a nice romantic comedy to watch. I hope that along the line a slay queen or another dignified woman will not show up claiming “Mr. Rutherford” with genuine evidence. That would be a nice concert to watch as well. Hehehehehe
Oh but I wish them well. I seriously do. It’s just normal to have some men cheat on their loved ones these days so it is very hard believing them entirely even when they seem to be giving you much love and attention. But hey, I think this science teacher is amongst the good ones. He is gentle, yet very principled, scientific, clumsy yet God-fearing. I guess that’s what attracted him to his like.
Enough of Abigail and her ‘’Rutherford’’ but what did Cindy’s post really mean?
‘’love for grabs meeting come Wednesday, 19 hours at The Valley’’
I need explanations because anything about grab or to be grabbed and love sets me on urge.
Let me end here for now and call her for explanations. It’s just three days away.
”She has gone through a lot because of her parents’ divorce. She deserves the chance to experience true love”
Day 5: ALL THE BEST, ABIGAIL!
Dear Diary,
Today reminds me of twenty sixth November two thousand and seven when the five of us had a hearty chat about love, men and marriage. We described the likes of men we should marry and were detailed about our wedding day except Abigail who because of her experience of a broken home and its effect on her parents and siblings, had nothing nice to say about marriage.
She made us believe that she was going to be a Nun after school, even more so because she was a catholic and had close relationships with the Nuns. Did they pollute her that much?? Anyways…
After the long while we separated because life happened to us, and we reunited. We were all hoping to hear from Abigail as a Nun, and still the last virgin standing. But we all got the shock of our lives.
Abigail was engaged! She had a ring on her left middle finger, with a picture of a man on her home screen, on the day of our reunion. Who was this guy? The national service teacher who took us for chemistry back in the secondary school! We wondered what chemical bond he used to cause this love reaction. Amazing!!
Today I cannot believe that I am on her wedding train as her maid of honor, and has also called upon me to escort her pick up her rings from the Jewelry shop this afternoon.
Hmmm….. Dear Diary, I do not know whether I am sad or happy for Abigail but I obviously do not want to see her cry. She has gone through alot because of her parents’ divorce. She deserves the chance to experience true love. Although I am on the quest of snatching any man, yet not Abigail’s’.
My mind: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!! Give the girl a shoooooouuuuut!!
Oh! (Smiling) I am not that bad and wicked please. Abigail and her man can pass. Besides i do not want to be with this Rutherford. He is too principled, scientific and clumsy!
My mind: Are you sure its not because you have another agenda on my mind?
“we are all men, …………… few are angels” – William Shakespeare
Memories of his past infidelities and the countless times his wife caught, but forgave him, and the days his wife had to juggle between 3 jobs to keep their family alive kept flashing on his mind. He remembered how helpless he was in that wheel chair, with the bandaged head, and the right leg fixed in a Plastic of Paris. He wished he was the one in the haste every morning grabbing the door knob at 5:45 AM, kissing his wife goodbye, and asking what she wanted on his return from his banking Job. But life happened, and threw him into the deepest forest, on a curve – disabled.
From then, he vowed to cherish his wife, to give back the forgiveness, love and care he had received from her after the car accident on the Kumasi road, on returning from one of his sexual escapades.
Sometimes taking his bath, mainly led by his wife, Adelaide, he would intentionally look sternly into her eyes to find some tears, or tiredness or pain or regret or some sort of disappointment, to affirm his feelings, but all he saw consistently was a face of hope, and an enduring love, not selfish, not rebuking, not relenting, ever patient, and always giving. That was rather breaking him, because he knew he had been very unfair to this kind heart, and was undeserving.
But here we are, in Lawyer Anderson’s office, witnessing Ato’s adamant decision to divorcing his wife, for cheaching on him in just a week to their relocation to the states.
To be continued…..
“we are all men, ………………..; few are angels” – William Shakespeare
“We are all men,…………….; few are angels” – William Shakespeare
Ato could not control the tears as he sat alone in the airport view hotel waiting room, awaiting his flight to the United States. Finally, the day he had dreamt of with his wife, Adelaide, had finally come, but why was he alone in the waiting room? Where was Adelaide?
As his heart throbbed with guilt after the call from his brother’s wife, Kezia, he wished he could just end it all with a phone call, or a text, or forget about the Job posting and walk out of the airport, but his mother’s support, the standards of the society which he so esteemed, and his ego could not allow him to extend a hand of Grace to his Adelaide. He was rather paralyzed by the thoughts, and even more confused.
He reached out to his sling bag and brought out three passports and tickets and stared at them, the tears rolled out even the more. The handkerchief was wet, he had to resort to the jacket which hanged on his left lap. He wished he could control the tears but it was unfortunate. It was rather fortunate that there was no one in the waiting room with him so he let out the intense pain by sobbing like an abandoned child, falling off from the twin sofa to the floor.
I woke up the dawn of 23rd September with some unexplained excitement in my heart to see October. I wondered what special thing awaited me. It was quite awkward, sincerely, because of the weird experiences I have had in the past.
I will not tell, but
Truth be told, October has never been the month I enjoy so much, although it is my dearest birth month. I have cried a lot more times when I was a child anytime it was getting closer. I have wished it was taken out of the 12 before, and I have also prayed it was just a day lived because of how “dead” the day was to me.
But then here I was, sitting on my bed, alone, my body draped with a duvet, enjoying the beautiful 23rd dawn through my window as I inhaled the freshness, more excited to see October as if it was just a day away.
My hands were itchy to write something, yet the things I wanted to write about were many, and disorganized – as always. I felt I needed time to really organize my thoughts to send an emotional yet rational message across, but time was not on my side for the organization, although I had the words flowing on impulse. I got overwhelmed and slept, waiting for O C T O B E R, and that good thing!
But guess what?…….
An unfortunate happenstance tried occurring, on the day of my carefully planned (for once) photoshoot.
Out of the good feeling I had towards October, for once, I decided to go with an idea my sister brought up ; to do a photoshoot THIS birthday (emphasis on THIS because it’s been life and death due to an ailment). It made sense to me. My husband asked me what was the essence because he felt it was not necessary when I told him, but I had to let him understand (even though he still did not understand) I wanted to have a memory of this beautiful year captured as me in a frame, and pasted everywhere I would be, because life is short!
The day came for the photoshoot and Sandra, my sister, a hair stylist, had not fixed my hair, and had decided not to give me a particular dress for the shoot (“La borrow”, yes I know). I had to quickly buy one online which I had to travel miles for in a heavy traffic on the Amasaman road. The make-up artist was tired of waiting and had to leave for another “gig” not knowing the time of return. The bored photographer also had to attend to an equally important matter. All happening within a space of 10 minutes on a phone call. Gosh! Is this worth at all? I asked myself, as tears began to run down my eyes.
Why? Because this meant so much to me and not even my sister could see it to help me through it. I cried as I drove down the road, calling the photographer and Make-up artist to cancel the plan.
No other day?
No. Various dates suggested to them were all declined due to equal engagements, and it could not be later than 4th October. But thanks to my wonderful make-up artist @millysbridal, who felt my pain and situation and came with speed. She made it possible, and comforting; she fixed the hair and “fixed” my face, and Tadaaaaa I was looking all glamorous and queenly! I really felt indebted.
Today as I tried ending this write up, it occurred to me that the expectations of the righteous shall indeed never be cut off. No matter how bad things tries to turn out, God will send people who will set them to be on course again, just like what happened to me on the 25th September.
So this year, my dearest O C T O B E R, I am expectant, optimistic and highly sensitive to receiving that good turn around. Bring that good news from a far country, bring those good people from a far land, and ride me on prosperously!
But above all, be the month of His immense Presence.
“Love yourself, hug yourself, you’re all you have. Self love is a magnet” – Barbara
Dear Barbara,
As I remembered today was the long awaiting day in this year, an involuntary smile planted itself on my face because of the thoughts I had running through my mind, and yeah as I watched your what’s app status, I smiled even the more because there was the confirmation.
The flowers!
I knew this birthday was never going to be without Barbara buying herself some beautifully arrayed, and exotic flowers to pamper herself, and exude her inner peace – as always. I knew you were going to remind us again, the need to sometimes give ourselves the love and attention the self needs, because of the tendency of losing oneself. And I was glad seeing them because I felt the relentlessness and consistency in your self love “preaching” as a way to go!
Self-love is not self-ishness. Recently I read an account from a great man of God whom God adviced to put himself second, after him. He explained that as a preacher, God asked him to give attention to himself else he will die spiritually, mentally, socially, and the list goes on. It makes sense. I mean if you break down, depressed or crushed, where is the strength to preach or continue the journey?
So yes, put yourself on the speed dial and be at your own rescue – BE!
L I V E
Y O U R S E L F
U N A P O L O G E T I C A L L Y
U N R E S E R V E D L Y
After all we lose nothing being kind to ourselves.
So buy more flowers, Barbara. Bask in the exotic ones precisely because you’re a rare breed growing to be more rare and real. And I pray that as you receive the fullness of love and true joy, you will be a staunch repository of the two. And never give up, because we’re learning too.
‘’We must say NO not only to the things which are wrong and sinful, but the things pleasant, profitable, and good which hinder and clog our grand duties and our chief work”
Learning to say NO
Back in Kumasi, Ghana, where I spent most of my childhood and teenage years, I had this amazing friend called Gifty. We were both 10 year old’s but she was podgy and curvy than I was. People always thought she was older and would want to relate with her more than my tiny self. Gifty was the ‘’Johnny is everywhere’’ in North Suntreso. She was known in every house for her boldness and loudness, and the special kindness she had towards the new mothers who needed baby sitters. She was that sweet and kind, but..
Gifty Anderson-Mayern, although young and kind was not the usual kid you could command around. She was the kind who knew who and what was good for her circle, and could effortlessly say NO without apologies, regardless. It was quiet disturbing for the adults who always wanted her on errands because it is unfit for an African child to refuse an adult’s errand unless told otherwise, yet her mother severally denied having anything to do with those straight answers. It was far from being rude or stubborn, she was just firm and knew how to use her time and energy even at that age.
Some people like myself, still find it difficult saying NO to things and people deserving. Unlike Gifty, we are afraid of the stigma it brings, the opportunities and the acceptance we stand to lose. But let’s be honest with ourselves, do we have the capacity for everything outside our chief work? How long do we seek to please the insatiable humans?
We already have our life’s purpose as a puzzle to unravel as sojourners. We can only be focused to finding it and being committed to achieving it. We can only accept what is in line and pass on what is not to people deserving. We can only embrace the people in line and walk pass those not. It is not cruelty neither does it mean we cannot extend hands of help where necessary, only if it does not clog our grand duties.
Saying NO sometimes can be healthy. It shows no cruelty nor selfishness even when you are in the capacity to. It only shows how strong you are on your priorities. And sometimes it is your peace and your genuineness. Let’s not be inundated with the dislikes of people who may never understand us. Pleasing people all the time only make us stupid, and not believing in God and ourselves.
‘’We must say NO not only to the things which are wrong and sinful, but the things pleasant, profitable, and good which hinder and clog our grand duties and our chief work. What are those ’pleasant’, profitable, and good things for you?’’ – Anonymous
She cursed me that I will be a shame and a disgrace, one whom the society shall detest and amazingly, I turned out to be, and even more.
#3: A WILD CURSE
After a loud moan and a grunt, he finally rolled off me. I felt liberation thrill down my body when the clock pendulum swung – 7:30pm at last! It was the moment I had been waiting for, to possess my body again and walk through the door with my four-hour torture wage, and shut it with a bang.
I stretched for my red dress on the floor to get dressed. I was held at the wrist by the man I witnessed him snore after molesting me.
‘’wait, let me get back my energy and write you a fat check’’ he whispered weakly and closed his eyes.
I properly sat on the bed with my back and head leaning on the headboard of the bed, in a tuck position, with my hands cushioning my chin. Thoughts of regrets, rage and bitterness flooded my being, that, any word I had uttered or action or even attitude I had let out could poison anyone and never heal again just like the curse of my mother after I killed her husband, our beloved father.
She cursed me that I will be a shame and a disgrace, one whom the society shall detest and amazingly, I turned out to be, and even more.
It was on February 20, 2018. I run to Daddy to help save Aunty Enyonam, our neighbour from her violent husband. The scene was bloody: he had a machete ready to lynch her after beating her mercilessly with his waist belt. His reason? Aunty Enyonam could not cook with the 20 cedis ‘’chop money’’ he had given her. It was Daddy’s detest to see a woman abused so he run to the scene with every strength, only to be lynched with the machete meant for Aunty Enyonam. From that day, mama said to me ‘’you are going to do what you stopped your father from doing – providing’’.
My eyes could not keep the secret tears in the duct anymore. My whole body was given to convulsive gasps. Considering the dreadful life, and the knife crossing the eating plate on the table, I asked myself, could this be the way to end it all? Maybe yes, but after I have received that big fat check and handed it over to my family, my mother especially, that that is my worth and end the cursed life with death at 16. I stabbed myself the next day.
‘’This is what you get taking my husband away from me. Idiot!’’ She said, on a puff of cigarette.
#2: Husband snatcher
It happened this morning around 6am when Donald drove into my compound with his processed divorce papers. He looked fortunate, like he had landed on a multimillion building contract again. He kept throwing the papers in the air, never daring to catch any and I also made sure they were gathered in the rain water in the pot-hole in the compound. We were obviously in some excitement. We danced, hugged each other with mutual acceptance, whirled round and kissed – deep and intimate.
I was almost ready for work yet I wished I was not going, to have the whole time with my officially divorced boyfriend, but the Uber driver was already in. Donald took my phone from my bag and cancelled my trip, tipped the driver 4 times the cost.
‘’Now can you call the office telling them you have an emergency?? Because I need a surgeon right now’’ He said jokingly
We both burst out the loudest laughter, and kissed, again, and again. He pulled out like he had forgotten something, then he moved to his car and got back.
‘’Here” he handed me a gift bag
Inside was a Toyota Rav 4 key, a box, a rose flower and copies of the signed divorce papers. It felt like a dream!
I threw everything on the floor except the car keys and copies of the papers. For what?? The proof of having this free bird to myself was healing from any pain any day!
I ran outside the gate and there it was, my black RAV 4 sitting pretty! I could not believe my eyes. To snap myself out of the surprise, I decided to give myself a ride. One foot in, and a hand on the door, i felt a sudden pierce in my chest.
I came out of my body and saw a lady in red with a dark hair starring with rage. She strangled me at the neck as if to kill me further because of uncertainty. After she was sure, she added my other leg, sparked the car and released every break. You can imagine the rest.
‘’This is what you get taking my husband away from me. Idiot!’’ She said, on a puff of cigarette.
Before I could take out my phone to see clearly, my head was hit with something from behind. I fell helplessly.
It felt very strange after I hanged up Thelma’s call. The sort of happiness she expressed upon hearing my pregnancy looks pretty strange to me. Come on! We have not been this way for four years, Adrian. You know this.
‘’Don’t look at me like that! I bursted out. You know what I am talking about. After she fought me so hard for taking you, her cousin away from her. What was I supposed to do as your girlfriend? Should I have sat down and watched you guys go on frequent dates and leave me all by myself? Then out of the blue she wants to have a night out with me just because I am pregnant for you? Does it make any sense?’’
Adrian could read the anger and surprise on my face. He was quiet for a moment, careful on what to say next not to get me melancholic.
‘‘Who knows it could be a closure night. You have always longed for it, haven’t you?’’ He said, as he lifted my head by the chin with a finger, with some sternness in his look. It felt strange yet I could not take my eyes off. Our heads were slowly moving towards each other and my eyes closed at a point when I felt his hand moving behind my neck, then beneath my hair. Before we could submerge our lips, what’s app beeped with a message from Thelma; Live Location. Gosh! Obviously we had to pause. Adrian stopped a taxi.
‘It is a closure night but I still need you around. It is not safe alone out there. Please….’’ I turned and said as I entered the taxi. He just blew me a kiss in the air. The car moved.
The destination was an old isolated house in East Legon. I wondered who lived there. The family I know my Adrian to come from live in mansions, like the one I saw across the street with the brown gate and shimmering lights. Not this. It was so dark I pleaded with the driver to wait till Thelma arrives but he had already accepted a request and had to rush down the street. Damn! And Thelma was not picking her calls! What was she up to?
My hands were just moving in every direction to get something to hold on to. My pupils were widely dilated although I still could not see. Suddenly, something fell ahead of me and I could feel a presence around. Whatever or whoever it was made a fast move from the right to the left. Then I heard a heel take a step, following whatever or whoever moved. I held my chest tight as i panted for dear air because the anxiety and the palpitations nearly choked me to death.
‘Who’s there??’ I shouted, trying to take a step back and flee.
There was no responds. Before I could take the second step, my phone beeped another what’s app message. My iPhone was in my front jean pocket, turned upside down with the back facing out. The notification light was extremely bright so I could see a flash of a man in a black shirt and a lady in black. Before I could take out my phone to see clearly, my head was hit with something from behind. I fell helplessly.
Within seconds, my spirit left my body. Now I saw the two who could not see me; Adrian and her supposed cousin, Thelma, holding a blood-stained wooden club, looking down on me. Thelma laughed out loud, spat on my face, and stepped on my little baby bump. I saw blood flowing down from where I laid. Adrian held her hand and drew her into those arms, kissed her deeply and knelt down kissing what looked like a baby bump.
‘’Now we can have our lives back once again, as good lovers after losing you for her money in this past 4 years’’ Thelma said as she planted a kiss on his lips
I could only weep. Weeep. Weeeeeep. Weeeeep. Weeeeeep. Weeeeeeep. Weeeeeeeep!! Before I could curse, three demons forcefully led me here.
Adrian was the boy I loved so dear. He was the only boy, amongst many others, who could tame my heart, and sing its beautiful tune. He knew how to make my cry, and laugh to the extremes. He knew how to treat me like a woman, and he knew how to treat me as a little princess, too. This tenderness I never received from my parents, set me on the quest to finding it among strange men, and led myself to my untimely death at 20.
What brought me here? Not BETRAYAL? then my own stupidity!
”He also said HIV is not a condemnation but just a sickness and people living with it must be equally respected and cherished”
DAY 10: NO MORE CONDEMNATION
Dear Diary,
I called Pastor Abraham today. We spoke at length and he prayed for me afterwards. He reaffirmed that it was God who made what happened happen and it was because He still has His mighty hand on me, regardless. But i need to repent.
My mind: You really have to
He also said HIV is not a condemnation but just a sickness, and people living with it must be equally respected and cherished. He mentioned that my friend, Evelyn plus her boyfriend would need more emotional and psychological support which I can partly give. The best support I can fully give them is prayer.
My mind: Huh??
Get the behind me Satan! I have repented.
He said praying for The Holy Spirit to work on their minds and hearts for them will bring them into sanity. He will move within them and bring them back into His purpose. They will also receive the Grace to live with it even as Christ shines through them in Glory.
Then I asked ‘’but why can’t Christ just take the virus away?’’
”There must have been a God up there looking upon me with such pity and love”
DAY 9: THERE MUST BE A GOD!
Dear Diary,
I am in shock today. My fingers are so gripped with fear that I cannot write all that I want to. I have been in bed this whole day trying to rearrange the happenings from day 7 till now in my mind. I now understand why Evelyn was not at the restaurant. I also now understand why he said she lied to him. Wow! And the restrain??
There must have been a God up there looking upon me with such pity and love. That upon all my foolish motives, he restricted me from having a bad encounter like sleeping with this guy. Upon all his handsomeness he has HIV?? and look at me lusting passionately after him. Wow! Indeed not all that glitters is gold.
What could have been my story? That i slept with someone else’s boyfriend and contacted HIV?? Double shame!!
But thank God, that There is indeed a God who rules in the affairs of men.
At this point, I am done with this Take or Be Taken nonsense!
I give my life Christ. I prefer to be taken by his relentless love and abundant mercy.
Evelyn. Boyfriend. HIV POSITIVE?? Lord have mercy!
eunice Godbless 